A Letter from a Listener

Here is a letter we received after our interview with Dr. Nicolosi. Living the Universal Call to Holiness is fraught with some pretty difficult obstacles.

Jim,

I wanted to thank you for bringing in Dr. Nicolosi and delving into this topic. I'm a homosexual who for 15 years lived a gay lifestyle, is in a 10 year relationship (though working towards that being a chaste one) and who rejoined the Church about six months ago. I wholeheartedly agree when Dr. Nicolosi says the Church needs to do more in this area to educate (both themselves and the laity) and to work towards offering help to those in my situation.

When I returned to the Church, the reactions I received from my friends ranged from confusion (in the case of my heterosexual friends who felt that I was so "well adjusted") to outright amazement (from my homosexual friends. How dare I turn my back on "my people"). I knew full well the Church's teaching on the matter (though not the fullness of the teaching). To be honest that's about as far s most homosexuals are willing to go. They see condemnation and shut the door on the Church. As a result, most gay people I've known or met (there are rare exceptions) who was once Catholic has either a) Left the Church entirely or b) Fled to the Episcopal church.

Especially bothersome to me are those who flee to the Episcopal church. One moment they'll be discussing the beauty of that Sunday's liturgy and the next they'll be telling me about what gay events they're going to, what they were doing at the bar the night before, etc. They've found a place where scripture and tradition could be tossed out the door in the name of radical inclusiveness. And in that is absolutely freedom to live their life in the way to which they're most comfortable. I constantly hear the cry from my liberal heterosexual friends about how equal our relationships are and how we deserve marriage and how wonderful it is to see two men "marry."

What they don't see is the rotten underside to our sub-culture. The casual bar hookups (sometimes in the bar), the bathhouses, etc. The simple fact is most gay men don't want "marriage." We only want the illusion of it and the legal and social conveniences it brings. I could count on one hand with fingers to spare the number of purely monogamous relationships I've seen or heard of. By and large, every gay relationship succeeds on setting down ground rules (spoken or unspoken but understood) on who can fool around with whom and when. In the end, the lack of gender differentiation makes our relationships very different from those of heterosexuals.

It was observations and thoughts such as these that helped me to want to look deeper, to read what people were saying on the issue and to want to know the root cause of the nature of homosexuality. I've come to many of the same conclusions after reading that your speaker has in his more career working with homosexuals. The problem is that most of us don't care and those who do care don't understand or know where to turn. I've been blessed in that in my return to the Church I've come in contact with some incredibly compassionate friars and priests who told me the truth but also inspired hope in me. I've heard many horror stories from Catholics and ex-Catholics where the reverse was the case for them.

In the end I think, as your speaker said, that more needs to be done to educate and to teach ourselves as laity and religious to reach out and to offer hope. Not just to say that "you're confused" or "you can be straight" but to come to the understanding that we're broken inside and genuine healing can take place. In my case that process has just begun but I know that hope is present, God is merciful and all things are possible.

I apologize for the length of this email but you put forth a topic that hit close to home. Thank you again for your podcast and all the wonderful work you do.

Sincerely,

Gordon